HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Did I dress warm enough? No? Crap :(

NorTHUG LIFE!

There's a Norwegian maxim that goes: "There is no bad weather, only bad clothes"

It's a lie.

By my American, Mid-Atlantic sensibilities, bad weather happens in Norway in every month that doesn't end in July.  I'm not kidding.  There has been either snow, or the threat of snow, in every other month of the year in my two years here.  However, this fact doesn't really deter or affect the Norwegian outlook.  When the weather heads south, they just throw on a boblejakka, a pair of votter and keep it moving.

It is what it is.

(It should be noted, that, as far as proverbs go, Norwegians are pragmatic and don't espouse the most charitable or heart-warming sentiments... For example, here's another proverb: Alder er ikkje å skryte av; ein får den for ingenting... Age is nothing to boast of, you get it for nothing)

I say all of this to say that October is the official end of the plesantries with regards to the meteorological happenings.  August can flirt and even give some "flip flops and shorts" weather, September might even delay packing your summer clothes away, but October... October don't play

Snowmen come to life in October and leave... well, whenever they choose

The above photo is from a week ago.

A friend of mine, a few hours north of Oslo, created the first, snowmen of the season (amongst my friends... further north, they'd been in the snow for two months now).  For perspective, it's already snowed twice in Oslo and is flurrying as I type this.

Please note that I'm not saying that snow is bad weather.  Surely, in December and January, this is the norm.  However, in September and October, this isn't ideal

Anyway, with winter being so 'bout that life here in Norway, it is understandable that some of the biggest stars are the people that make their work in the snow.  

One of those people is Petter Northug.  Not only is he a champion skier, he also is a entrepreneur (he isn't a businessman, he's a business, man!).  His goal is to make sure that we all can live that norTHUG LIFE!

Winter isn't coming... It's already here.

ALT FOR NORGE

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Ylvis, Boxing, Omskjæring, Failure... Just another week in Norway

So... the shutdown is over.  Guess it's time to write another blog post...

Let's catch up on some of the headlines that have been in the news here since my last post.

Just the tip?

You won't believe how many pictures I saw that I can't unsee trying to find this... you're welcome

As I mentioned in my last post, Norway is under new management.  With a new leading party comes new policies and laws.  One of those being lobbied now is a ban on circumcision (to be fair, this has been in the mill for some time, but, with the new coalition consisting of ombudsman that champion the idea... the possibility is a lot more likely).

Male circumcision.  (As female circumcision is banned in most of the world)

For those of you who don't know, Americans can get wound up about this type of thing (granted, we get wound up about a lot of things).  I would strongly prefer for my son to be circumcised (so much so that I've been bringing this up at dinner parties since I found this out... I'm so popular) as, it seems, do a lot of Americans.  In fact, when an American city tried to defer the procedure until the young man being snipped could have an input in the matter, a city council quickly stepped in to prevent such a measure from ever passing.

Conversely, the movement for banning the circumcision for boys under their teenage years seems to be the majority sentiment.  Looks like all future children of mine will have a date with mohel.

Norway will not be going to Brazil... to play soccer

Despite having a pretty advantageous group (Switzerland, Iceland, Albania, Cyprus... Norway is actually second in population among the countries involved.  Which is pretty staggering odds considering that Norway ranks #25 in European Country population), the Norwegians finished a distant fourth in their UEFA World Cup qualifying group.  On the plus side, fellow Scandinavian country, Iceland, will get a chance to make it to their first World Cup.  The Norwegians will have to wait until 2018 to break a drought which will have reached 24 years.  Adding to the drama is that the long-time, beloved coach was forced out contrary to his, and a large percentage of the board's, wishes.

A Way to Make a Bus Trip in Oslo Extremely Awkward

If you're on a packed bus using your ipad as a large ipod and your headphones come unplugged and you hit play when this song is cued up

Holyfield can come to Norway now!  

Among the many odd things that I've uncovered here in Norway, this may be the most peculiar.  As I previously mentioned, the world's reigning, female welterweight champion is Norwegian despite the fact that there has been a professional ban on boxing for over a century.  Not anymore!  The new coalition has put an order in motion to strike down the ban which should appease the aforementioned, Evander Holyfield, who vowed never to step foot on Norwegian soil until the ban was revoked.  That's a stand for human rights!

Seriously... The Fox song isn't what Norwegian music is about

I never went gold off one song

Do you know what the worse thing about telling a good joke really well?  Many people are going to not realize it is, indeed, a joke.

Reading the article in the headline reminds me of this "Simpsons" episode where Homer creates a song and then goes from amused to excited to overwhelm to disgusted by it.  Which is a shame because, by all accounts, they seem to be two, goofy guys who just enjoy hanging out and making people laugh (which makes them like virtually every other guy in Generation Y).  Though, having a song that's top 10 on itunes is a good problem to have.  

If you're one of the millions that enjoyed their video, please make sure to check out their other, funnier songs.  My personal favorite is "Work it" (even if Veronica Flores would probably find it racist)

ALT FOR NORGE

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One Government Shutdown, Another Government switch-up

So.  The US Government is shut down.

This seems like a good time to explain how the Norwegian system is different (note: I didn't say better... but I, also, didn't say worse).

Norway is a democratic representative constitutional monarchy.  But that's a lot to say.  I just like to refer to it as a Social Democracy.  No.  Not in the way that North Korea or Congo are social democracies, but in the way that produces low unemployment, equal opportunity, and causes people to write articles like this. 

There's more, but they're not going to factor in much...

Norway, also, has the same three, branches of government:  Judicial, Executive, and Legislative (In the interest of being, well, interesting... I'm going to skip over the Judicial branch as it doesn't differ enough to warrant covering, save for the King, not the President/Prime Minister, having the ultimate "Get out of Jail Free" card)

Here's where things get a little word-y.  Stay with me.

That's what a King is supposed to look like

The Executive branch consists of a (mostly... remember his criminal absolution powers) King and his council of state.  Since I keep talking about him, I should probably mention him by name.  King Harald V is the Norwegian telling you to watch the throne.  He's cool, but his father, Olav V, was a straight G.

Anyway, King Harald V has his council of state (or referred to as King's Council) which consists of the Prime Minister and the Prime Minister's Council (really, the King is just co-opting the Prime Minister's council).  The Prime Minister is appointed by King Harald V (or whoever is the reigning monarch) is like the electoral college in the United States.  He awards the post to whomever is the leader of the party that wins the elections, holds the largest majority in the legislative branch (congress). 

To determine the largest majority, Norwegians go to the polls.  Just like in America, there are national elections every four years here.  In fact, it happened this past month.  Changes were made.

Can I just say how silly I think it is that Norwegians still use paper ballots... They're not voting for Homecoming King and Queen

For the previous eight years, the leading party had been the Arbeiderpartiet (Labor Party).  However, in an effort to dethrone their socially and fiscally-liberal opponents, the Høyre (Conservative) and Fremskrittspartiet (Progressive) parties joined forces.  In Norwegian politics, two parties can form a "coalition" and, in essence, they join forces (like a Portuguese Man-of-War) to gain more power in the political spectrum.

That's exactly what happened.

While the Labor Party maintained an overall advantage in the congress with 55 seats (garnered by gaining 30.8% of the vote), they lost nine seats (as they had 35.4% of the vote last election).  Those seats went to the Conservative party, who saw a gain of almost 10% (17.2 to 26.8%).  The Conservatives didn't bring much help as they lost twelve seats and six percentage points (22.9 to 16.3%).

Why the change?  It has little to do with the economy as Norway is humming along.  It was a variety of issues but, from my outsider viewpoint, it seemed to be a sense of fatigue.  The Labor Party had been running the show for eight years and people were ready for a change.  However, a change for changes' sake can be dangerous, especially when the party is talking about a "restoration of public trust" and "maximizing wealth for all it's citizens".  I know from personal experience.

Now.  I know what you're thinking.  Would this be like the Republicans and Tea Party beating the Democrats in America?  Not exactly.  While most Norwegians will be quick to note that all of their political parties would be "Democrats" in America, I think that isn't entirely the case as some parties have radically different views from one another (most notably Progressive and Conservative with regards to oil exploration, both are "drill, baby, drill!" and immigration, best not to bring this up, would definitely raise some eyebrows in the donkey party).

Regardless, there will be a change (I'm not just talking about the appointing of the second, female Prime Minister in the Conservative Party's Erna Solberg).

Ariel/immigrants are in trouble!

I guess I should probably run down the other parties...

The Conservative/Progressive coalition can't do it all on their own.  While they'll be the ones running the various ministries, they will be joined by two, non-socialist parties, Kristelig Folkeparti (Christian Democratic Party... Norway has a State Church who the King is upheld with protecting) and Venstre (Central Liberalism) in order to get majority votes on various bills/issues in the congress.

Opposing them, in addition to the Labor Party, is Socialistisk Venstreparti (Socialist Left), the EU-hating SenterParty (Center Liberalism), and Grønne (Green Party).

Additionally, there's a lot of other parties that have little to no parliament representation that, again, I'll skip over.  

Will much change?

Hard to say.  While the Conservative/Progressive have a lot of big ideas, the losses suffered by the Progressives in the elections will ensure that they'll need to compromise in order to get things accomplished.  Before the handover of power, outgoing Prime Minister, Jens Stoltenberg, in addition to driving a taxi, issued one of Norway's many debt-cancellations (Norway loves to forgive debt).  The sovereign wealth fund is a good problem to have, yet still a problem.

Though, despite how things go, it will not end in a government shutdown.  Norwegians, while passionate, determined, and, at times, stubborn, have a general sense of community and the common good over one's own self.  Regardless of your ideas of how to best help your countrymen, its understood here that you have to actually listen and compromise to help anyone. 

It is one of the ways where American individualism is detrimental (and one of the ways where Jante Law is beneficial).

Oh well.  Sorry for the billion hyperlinks.

ALT FOR NORGE

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It's Not Summer WIthout You

1 degree (Celsius... 34 Fahrenheit)

That was the temperature when I woke up this morning.

Almost in disbelief, I went outside in jeans and my summer coat (that's a funny thing, before I came to Norway.  I had three coats.  One I wore in fall, one I wore when it was winter, and another I wore in both months when I was wearing something sorta fancy... Now, I have eight coats) and was quickly re-buffed.

It was, indeed, cold outside.

(I realize "cold" is relative, but, when you're anticipating low-teens Celsius/mid-50s Fahrenheit, getting smacked in the mouth with something quite lower than that registers as cold)

Autumn is leaving its mellowness behind for its spiky, rotted stage.  Don't remember summer even saying goodbye.

Fortunately for me, I had (at the behest of the lady) swapped out my summer clothes.

The week prior, I had carried up the winter clothes, in their dormant boxes tucked away in the back of the unit in the basement, to the apartment.  Then, solemnly, I folded and sorted which summery things I still dreamed of wearing between now and when the sun's warmth returned from those which I could go without (this seasonal change is the saddest I feel for inanimate objects... Sorry, threadless.com t-shirt. I just don't have space for you.  I don't like you any less... It just won't be that warm and... you'll understand when you're older?).  The unchosen were placed in the spot formerly reserved for the winter clothes, which, in turn, replaced the summery clothes spots in my drawers and closet, and then, I returned the boxes to their sub-terrain storage.

So, I'm not cold today.  Bring it on fall/winter.

ALT FOR NORGE

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Norway, Scotland... Scotland, Norway

HAPPY 50th POST, OSLOst in SPACE!!!!!

Party time!!

Uhmm... Anyway, I apologize for my absence last week, but it was for a good reason.

I forgot.

But it's not like I forgot because I was watching an episode of "Boardwalk Empire", I forgot because I was getting ready to go to Scotland.

So yeah, I went to the northern part of the UK.  It was not an easy trip.  1 hour to Stavanger.  Switch flights.  2 hours to Aberdeen.  But it was pretty neat.

And it went like this:

We landed in the Aberdeen International Airport and, to my surprise, the Stavanger to Aberdeen flight had two people on it that were non-EU/EEA citizens.  Me and some other schmuck.  The reason I know this is that, upon entering into the airport and customs, there were two, distinct lines.  One for the EEA people and one for us "others".  

It was like landing in Dulles or JFK and smiling at all the doe-eyed, europeans as I breezed through my line to the front.

Simple problem.  I had to fill out a Landing Card.

Half the information, all the tediousness

As further testament to the irregularity that non-EU/EEA people (I'm tired of writing that, but it's an important distinction to make... If I were Albanian, I'd be in the same boat... well, no, that would probably be a much worse, and probably leaky boat because it's Albania... Jokes!  Calm down, readers in Tirana) make said flight, not a single stewardess had asked me if I needed a card nor were they readily available on the aircraft.  

No matter.  I had to fill it out (not like I had to get in the back of the line... I was the line) and then was on my way.  But not without this stamp:

Do not give him any money... But, like, we're not endorsing slavery.  You know, just don't let him preform any type of labor to be safe

UK wanted to make sure, under no circumstances, would anyone give me money.  My trip was to be a purely, one-sided fiscal relationship.  Which is strangely how I'd characterize my romantic relationships in my early to mid-20s.

So.

I'm in Aberdeen now.

Apparently, business takes of here

There's power and wealth and then there's the kind of power and wealth when you're on the money used in your own country.  Not sure what's going on with my hair here 

I'm an idiot because the funniest thing about the area where this picture was taken is that there were a dozen Scottish Flags (St. Andrew's Cross), one EU flag, and one Union Jack... They love England!

 Eventually, we left the airport.

To do so, we hired a driver that we shared with another couple also going to our destination.  As he was driving a sedan, there was only space for three in the back seat and I was left to get in the front.  As I moved to the front of the car, I noticed our driver opened the right, front door.  In my head I was thinking, What a cheeky lad (because I put on airs when I'm in Scotland, apparently), he's angling for a fat, nice tip he is.  As I attempted to get in, he stopped me and gave me a really funny look.

"Fixin' to drive, are ya, lad?"  He asked in a thick, Scottish accent (that probably goes without mentioning)

Taken aback, I looked in the car and saw that the steering wheel was, in fact, on the right hand side of the car.  Laughing, I went over and got in on the other side.  As I did so, I looked around and, it seemed, every other car was like this, too.  

Now, I realize that the UK and other British subsidiaries drive on the left-hand side of the road and their steering wheels are on the right-hand side of the car, but I just didn't really think about it until I saw it.  Also, even if you know you're going to see it.  It's still very disorienting.  I spent most of the trip in wonderment about the location of the steering wheel and the cars on the street (especially on two lane roads, when cars were whizzing by our right hand side, in the opposite direction, and in traffic circles/round-a-bouts).

I kept trying to step on the gas/break throughout the trip, too.  It really felt like I was supposed to be driving!

As for the rest of it, I was blown away by the number of rugby fields/pitches (there were a lot) and how they outnumbered soccer/football fields/pitches.  Also, I was surprised by the handful of field hockey fields/pitches and how, in the three days of our trip, we only saw boys playing it.  

The landscape was beautiful (especially the coast along the North Sea) and the countless, rolling hills and glens reminded me of Western Maryland/VA/Shenandoah Valley region of Maryland.  The big difference being that there were churches and castles that were hundreds of years older than the United States all over the place.

Sure, it was mostly windy and grey skies (I, jokingly, told a friend from England that the UK was "as green-grey blobby as I expected"), but it was fitting.  I imagine the place must've been divine in Fall when all the foliage was turning colors and the grey/gloom, with streaks of sun, would be more fitting.  

It was a touch warmer than Norway (and a whopping bit cheaper!), but that goes for most of the earth.  

I had fun (minus the 10 hours it took to get back to back to Oslo on Sunday) and would definitely consider living there.  Though, I think that has more to do with my fondness for Anglophone countries (It's such an awesome feeling when everything happening around you is in your native tongue), lower cost of living, and good whisky than any decided advantages over Norway.

But, for now I'm in Norway and I'm glad...

ALT FOR NORGE

Fine, jerks... Here's the pictures of me wearing a kilt

Tough guy picture

Playful picture

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The Cost of Living the High Life

Norway is a pretty wealthy nation.

Based on last year's end-of-year numbers, it ranks in the top 5, globally, in both Purchasing Power Parity and Nominal GDP (both rankings are in terms of "per capita", an important distinction to make.  In terms of "gross", Norway doesn't rank in the top 20).  The abundance of riches are not just limited to monetary units, as Norway is rated as the global leader in human development (a seemingly unquantifiable thing to measure, but the process the UNDP uses is addressed, at length, via the link I've provided).

Not only does Norway create a conducive situation for their own citizens, they extend a helping hand to developing nations around the world as the globe's second-largest foreign aid contributor, in terms of percentage of GDP.  Also, while the number is in decline, Norway is the world's, 13th largest recipient of asylum seekers.

What does this mean in day-to-day life?

Norway is second-globally in wages and, while the citizens enjoy a plethora of upscale cars, multiple homes, and jet-setting vacations, Norway has one of the largest, maximum, personal income tax rates in the world.  If one were to read the Government's 2011 Tax Report such phrases that would be heresy in my native country are present, for example:  "redistribution of wealth", "fair tax system", and "plans to increase the pension income social security contribution" (there are a few, familiar phrases such as "90% of the equity is owned by 10%").

Puffy would probably not enjoy Norway

Taxes, like death, are unavoidable and profitable ($36 billion in Norway in 2010), but where the average person really feels the pinch is on the VAT.  Value Added Tax is basically a punishment for balling that only effects the buyer.  It isn't a godless, euro concept, it is present everywhere.  Even in America.  The US' version of VAT is the reason why gas and cigarette prices vary so much from state-to-state (well, partially the reason).  The main difference in how VAT is used in Europe (specifically in Scandinavia) on more products and with a higher rate of pay.

For food, there's a 15% rate and a variety of transportation, hotels, and entertainment come with a 8% rate.  While that seems hard to keep up with, it's nothing compared to alcohol.

A 12-pack of 12 oz (.355 liter) Sierra Nevada or Samuel Adams costs $14 on the east coast, but a six pack of half-liter (16.9 oz) Tuborg costs $25 in Norway.  There's a 25% VAT on alcohol + 5 kroner ($0.90) per can environmental VAT + 1 kroner pant ($0.17) per can.  Additionally, on wine, there's 4 kroners for every percent of alcohol (13% alcohol = 52 kroners/$8); on spirits, the cost rises to 6 kroners for every percent (40% alcohol = 240 kroners/$40).  This is before you factor in the soon to go into effect 5% increase in alcohol tax.

You have to pay the cost to be the boss.

ALT FOR NORGE

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