OSLOst in space: Lorde

Friday, January 31, 2014

So this is winter...

Eighteen days. Eighteen, straight days.

It's been eighteen, straight days of snow here in Oslo.

That's 1 followed by an 8 (I just want to make sure you understand, sorry for the overkill).

I no longer live in a city in Norway. I live on a mound of snow where walking down the street has become a human version of Mouse Trap. Yes, if a building has a red sign out in front that says "takrasfare" (Roof landslides), then it's your own fault if you get hit/hurt from said "roof landslides'. No litigation, no recourse. They did put the sign out.

So, now, the first, obvious question.

"Why are you surprised that it's snowing so much?"

I'm surprised because that's a lot of snow. I didn't even think it snowed this much in Greenland (which, contrary to my belief isn't full of a bunch of broke, white people listening to John Mellencamp records, but with like Inuits… who knew?) or Antarctica, let alone a major city hundreds of miles from the arctic circle (I bring up "major city" because the concentration of all the things that make a city a city tend to make cities warmer and, in case you're scoring at home, Oslo is 600 km/327 miles south of the arctic circle. The same latitude as Anchorage, Alaska).

The second, less-obvious question.

"So, uh, what's that like?"

It's what I'd imagine living in a snow globe (sans the shaking) or being stuck in "Frozen" must be like. The snow is constantly falling but, judging by the picnic table in our back garden, doesn't seem to be accumulating as much as one would imagine. On the sidewalks, which are constantly shovelled (the plow business in Oslo is like the sun tan lotion business in Miami), there is about 8 inches (20 centimetres) and the roads tend to just be a finely, compact layer of snow with worn to the surface tire marks. In some spots, the drifts are over 6 feet deep (1.83 meters), but you're not going to be walking and just disappear from view (take relief, mothers). Though, the ice (which, surprisingly isn't that bad) claims victims on the regular.

The thing that makes the snow the worst is the weekend.

You have to really, REALLY want to go outside because it's such an elaborate process. "Do I have warm enough clothes on?", "Do I have the right shoes on that won't leave my feet wet and cold?", "Will I flip out if these pants are damaged by salt, barnevogn wheels, old man shoe spikes?"…

Important questions of our time.

But, when you're sitting inside and the fireplace is roaring and you found that perfect Spotify playlist from the Browse feature, it's pretty beautiful.

Well, until you have to go outside again.

Then it just sucks.

ALT FOR NORGE

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Thursday, October 17, 2013

Ylvis, Boxing, Omskjæring, Failure... Just another week in Norway

So... the shutdown is over. Guess it's time to write another blog post...

Let's catch up on some of the headlines that have been in the news here since my last post.

Just the tip?

You won't believe how many pictures I saw that I can't unsee trying to find this... you're welcome

As I mentioned in my last post, Norway is under new management. With a new leading party comes new policies and laws. One of those being lobbied now is a ban on circumcision (to be fair, this has been in the mill for some time, but, with the new coalition consisting of ombudsman that champion the idea... the possibility is a lot more likely).

Male circumcision. (As female circumcision is banned in most of the world)

For those of you who don't know, Americans can get wound up about this type of thing (granted, we get wound up about a lot of things). I would strongly prefer for my son to be circumcised (so much so that I've been bringing this up at dinner parties since I found this out... I'm so popular) as, it seems, do a lot of Americans. In fact, when an American city tried to defer the procedure until the young man being snipped could have an input in the matter, a city council quickly stepped in to prevent such a measure from ever passing.

Conversely, the movement for banning the circumcision for boys under their teenage years seems to be the majority sentiment. Looks like all future children of mine will have a date with mohel.

Norway will not be going to Brazil... to play soccer

Despite having a pretty advantageous group (Switzerland, Iceland, Albania, Cyprus... Norway is actually second in population among the countries involved. Which is pretty staggering odds considering that Norway ranks #25 in European Country population), the Norwegians finished a distant fourth in their UEFA World Cup qualifying group. On the plus side, fellow Scandinavian country, Iceland, will get a chance to make it to their first World Cup. The Norwegians will have to wait until 2018 to break a drought which will have reached 24 years. Adding to the drama is that the long-time, beloved coach was forced out contrary to his, and a large percentage of the board's, wishes.

A Way to Make a Bus Trip in Oslo Extremely Awkward

If you're on a packed bus using your ipad as a large ipod and your headphones come unplugged and you hit play when this song is cued up

Holyfield can come to Norway now!

Among the many odd things that I've uncovered here in Norway, this may be the most peculiar. As I previously mentioned, the world's reigning, female welterweight champion is Norwegian despite the fact that there has been a professional ban on boxing for over a century. Not anymore! The new coalition has put an order in motion to strike down the ban which should appease the aforementioned, Evander Holyfield, who vowed never to step foot on Norwegian soil until the ban was revoked. That's a stand for human rights!

Seriously... The Fox song isn't what Norwegian music is about

I never went gold off one song

Do you know what the worse thing about telling a good joke really well? Many people are going to not realize it is, indeed, a joke.

Reading the article in the headline reminds me of this "Simpsons" episode where Homer creates a song and then goes from amused to excited to overwhelm to disgusted by it. Which is a shame because, by all accounts, they seem to be two, goofy guys who just enjoy hanging out and making people laugh (which makes them like virtually every other guy in Generation Y). Though, having a song that's top 10 on itunes is a good problem to have.

If you're one of the millions that enjoyed their video, please make sure to check out their other, funnier songs. My personal favorite is "Work it" (even if Veronica Flores would probably find it racist)

ALT FOR NORGE