Catching Up and the path to Norwegian-ness

Wow... It's been 26 days since I last checked in (really, like 1.5 months since a real post).

It's been a summer.

As I'd previously noted, it was "Adult Summer Break" here in Norway which means that, for the majority of July, most Norwegians have either reduced working hours or off altogether (often a combination of the two).

I detailed most of my exploits in the last post and have been back to "life" for a few weeks ago.

So "Why no posts?" you may ask.  Well, it's hard to say because there's not really much I care to say.

If you do a quick google of "expat blogs", what you'll find is a plethora of personal diatribes that are, frankly, boring.  While a lot of my posts probably shade to that realm, I try to at least put together universal experiences that are either entertaining (beer festivals with the awesome Dutch!) or are written to appear as so (haircuts!).

So yeah, I'm not writing unless I have something I wish to share or someone asks me a question ("Hey, bro.  Is Norway a communist country?"  False.) 

My new favorite dessert!

I am now a resident (temporary) of Norway.

For those of you who are reading this and notice that this blog is almost two years old will probably be perplexed by that statement.  

Let me back-up.

I originally came to Norway on a Job Seekers exemption.  Which, as far as I can tell, is fancy language to explicitly mark the difference between non-EU/EEA countries.  People from developed, western nations, ok;  Everyone else, follow the "Apply-for-a-visa-wait-for-the-visa-come-here-for-three-months-return-home-poorer" process.

After my six months were up and I was unemployed, I returned to the Good, Ol' US of A.  No worries there (Unless you attended my "Going Away Party", then it was just awkward).  After another six months of bouncing around (the specifics aren't really important), I finally did the whole "Shucks, why don't we get married, I guess" romanticism with the girlfriend.

She said "meh... ok"

Artist rendering of her response to my proposal

And what followed was a eight month game of "send-us-the-paperwork-will-check-it-approval-it-change-our-mind-require-you-to-get-more-paperwork-tentatively-approve-it-make-you-go-to-a-dozen-different-offices-for-signing-off-and-stamping-not-to-mention-those-offices-are-poorly-run-and-smell-like-what-I-imagine-Asmara-and-Islamabad-smell-like" with a lot of old school waiting in-between.

The one bonus was that I was able to wait out the response here in Norway as opposed to America (though, its not like that was a huge bonus as I wasn't really eligible/allowed to work in Norway).

However, in the end, here we are.  I have a handy dandy card and, in a couple weeks, I'll be wearing a ring for the rest of my life or something like that.

Oh, and I found more Americans here and I still haven't caught a fish in Oslo yet.

The Fjord is barren.

Alt for Norge

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Buy my non-Norway based book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/This-New-Normal-ebook/dp/B008M0GPW2

Norwegians Goons, Gangsters, and Other things that go bump in the night

In my last post, I, briefly, touched on the idea of crime here in Oslo.  In talking about it, I didn't go into detail about the (mis)perception of safety issues here in the Norwegian capital.

Look at the chart above.  

Oslo is approximately at 1.77 murders per one hundred thousand people, leaving it in the middle of the pack.  This might seem troubling (and no doubt the sensationalist, Norwegian media presents it as such), but, in actuality, it's not that bad.  

First, let's compare that number to American cities (I know, I know... bare with me).  Looking at population alone, Oslo is most comparable to Tucson (9.9 homicides per one hundred thousand).  A look at only demographics makes Colorado Springs (6.1) the match.  While a comparison of both gives us Seattle (3.2) still nearly double the homicide rate in Oslo.

Secondly, when compared to the seventeen, other European cities on this chart, it's important to note that of the cities with lower murder rates, seven of them have less than 120,000 people.  Which makes them more like suburbs than major cities, even if they hold such a place in their respective countries.  Furthermore, eight of the other cities remaining have almost double the population of Oslo, which means that for their murder rates to be similar, they have almost twice the number of total homicides.  In a city of roughly 500,000 (like Oslo), 1.77 means roughly 9 murders a year.  In a city of one million, that would equal 18. 

That's right, Oslo got boats... no word on if the Norwegian Jimmy McNulty was ever assigned to it

Murder isn't the only crime happening and while crime, as a whole, has been on the rise, it is important to denote which crime.  According to the link, environmental crime, drugs, and violence are the categories which saw an increase over the past few years.  Not to trivialize the damage of pollution, because environmental crime can mean a lot of things.  To me, Oslo has a distinct lack of trash cans in public and those that are sat out are much too small unless trash is picked up more frequently.  

Anyway, my point wasn't to offer a symposium on crime in Oslo, but to address the ways in which it has affected me.  

At least once every other time I find myself out at a bar and my Americanness becomes common knowledge, some Norwegian will approach me and articulate how "real" he keeps it.  Which, sounds hilarious (and, I assure you, the first few minutes are 99.9% of the time) but is reminiscent to my youth growing up in the suburbs.  Where me and my friends would run around with red bandanas and talk about being thugs.  The difference being that these guys who approach me have ink (shout out to homemade tattoos!  But, no matter how many daggers, "Haugestua" doesn't sound hard) and are at an age when they should realize that claiming such a status has repercussions (it's like people watch the first 3/4s of "Scarface" and then fast forward through the end).  

However, its not like you can't go to American town X or Belgian town Y and not find the same thing.  

As such that there are countless citizens of Oslo perpetuating this "thug life" (which, is only present in very select few.  I don't want you to think that waves of Vanilla Ices are surrounding me when I go out... Also, as it should be noted and will be explained in a future post, all of these guys are both ethnic Norwegian and from East Oslo), there are also countless people believing the hype.  There have been countless people who recoiled in horror when I informed them that I hung out or walked through a certain neighborhood at night.  It is so easy for people to take isolated incidents (it's so American Pie to start off about how one time your friend had something happen to them...) and make them the norm.  That's not to say there aren't dangerous people and situations that can occur in this city (trust, I always keep my head on a swivel), but it tends to not happen to people not associated with the life.

With the exception of the startling number of female assaults that happen here.  That's insane and deplorable and really needs to stop (Sorry, I can't find an English version that doesn't say "Don't let the brown people in!!  They are rapists!!" but, in general, the number is, statistically, almost double the expected number for a city of this population).

OTHER WEEKLY HIGHLIGHTS:

- I am straight in love with the fact that it's been 10 Celsius (50 Fahrenheit) for the past ten days straight... As Mr. Bell will eloquently remind you, no one cares about 40 degree days

- I also am a huge fan of all the state holidays here in Norway.  I told you about Adult Spring Break, but now there's Labor Day (May 1) and next week Ascension Day (May 9).  Civic Pride (no Honda!)

ALT FOR NORGE

Like me on Facebook: facebook.com/OSLOST

Follow me on Twitter: @BoomerOSLO

Buy my non-Norway based book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/This-New-Normal-ebook/dp/B008M0GPW2

That ol' fightin' spirit

In the spirit of March Madness (Way. To. Go. Wichita State...), I thought I'd take this post to share my recent brush with sports here in Norway.

So yes... I went to a Women's volleyball match.

Background:  In my Norwegian language/culture courses, I have people from various places and, one of them, is a professional, female volleyball player from Poland.

Now, if you're like me (probably not), you're thinking "Wait, they have professional volleyball?".

Yes.

They just don't have it.  There's a six-tier, professional league system here (similar to the international, promotion-relegation system of soccer... sorry, "football") in Norway.  My fellow student starred for the club Oslo Volley, the reigning Scandinavian and Norwegian Open Tournament Champions.

However, they were tied in first place for the Norwegian Elite Series (Look, I know its confusing... Here.  To be "Scandinavian Champions" they won a tournament, March Madness-style, against EVERY team in Scandinavia (Sweden, Norway, Denmark, and Iceland... why they'd fly Iceland in is anyone's guess).  Norwegian Open Tournament consisted of every team in the six-tier, professional system in Norway and now, they were going for the championship of just their individual league, the elite series.  The top league in Norway... sorry, confusing, I know)against the titans of Stod Valley.

I mean, STOD VALLEY!

Now... I won't get into the various reasons, but due to the very nature (both teams had walked through their competition in the Elite Series to the tune of 13-1, having split their two previous meetings, and had met in the championship or final stages of the Scandinavian and Norwegian Open tournaments), there was a little "bad blood".  Wouldn't you know it, but the game that I was treated to was the epic, end-of-the-season, winner-take-all, rubber match between the two in Oslo.

How was it?


For starters, I got there late.  To get to the "venue" (Fyrstikkalléen skole... While it is a school, the campus and facility was better than a lot of colleges in the States) I had to take two different buses and walk four blocks through neighborhoods (reminded me of going to RFK!). So... I got there at the onset of the first set, which was all Stod.

Before arriving, I didn't know much about Stod. Like, I couldn't even find it on a map. However, I soon came to realize that they go hammer for their volleyball. The crowd was very pro-Stod. I would say that of the 200 or so people in attendance, 140 were for Stod (yes, I had never seen that many people at a Volleyball event, either). They were very vocal... they had chants and claps and scarfs and noise makers that drowned out the blaring hip-hop music (a very, underrated, unintentional comedy element of the event... they had like eight songs that they rotated throughout the game. Why only eight and why such poignant ballads as "Stereo Heart" by Gym Class Heroes, "Remember the Name" by Fort Minor, and the immortal "Butterfly" by Crazy Town? Man may never know).

As for the teams, it was almost like Space Jam. Stod was every part the Monstars... They were bigger (save for my classmate), faster, stronger (like, when they hit the ball... it made a different sound!), and more athletic. They seemed to be one step ahead of Oslo at every turn... plus, they had a different, type of swagger.

Now, some of the people in the crowd, both demurely and very vocally, attributed this to the "foreign" aspect of the team. As I had a program from the game, it was kinda obvious that certain players on Stod weren't from Stod or anywhere else in Norway (Let's just say there weren't too many "Line"'s or "Thea"'s... I'm not complaining. The object is to win so you should have the best players to do so and I'm all about foreigner solidarity). In fact, they had two players from America.

Which two were from America? Ha... let's just say it wasn't hard to tell.

In addition to being the two tallest, most athletic, and best players.

They were also the loudest.

They berated the officials when they blew a call (there were many opportunities for this). They berated their teammates when they made a poor play (also, many opportunities). They berated their coach when he went berserk (this may be a surprise, but there were many opportunities for this, too!). They taunted the Oslo players when they hammered spikes upon them or stuffed their shots. They taunted the crowd, the few Oslo fans who dared to be vocal, when they also took the second set with relative ease (What made it even better is that they did all of it in English... they didn't even bother to at least meet their target halfway by yelling in Norwegian!).

As a impartial observer, I was horrified... As an American, I was "Hell yeah! That's how we do!" (I can't help myself... I won't get into all of this now. That's for another blog).

Anyway, Oslo was able to rally back, partially to spirited play and fatigue (Oslo did have the numbers advantage as they were able to rotate in about four, solid players to Stod having one, viable sub). The match was tied at 2-2 and it seemed it was anyone's match.

In the end, Oslo couldn't get out of their own way (two, crucial serve faults down the stretch) and lost the deciding set and the match and, for all intents and purposes, the season. Stod paraded around, both demonstratively and emphatically, and Oslo players sulked off the court.

It was a pretty memorable experience and a good lesson in something... I'm not sure what, but it was.

Good times. Remember to "Like" on Facebook (www.facebook.com/OSLOst) and email any questions and I will try to address them in future blog entries or with a personal response!

Alt for Norge.