Norwegians Goons, Gangsters, and Other things that go bump in the night

In my last post, I, briefly, touched on the idea of crime here in Oslo.  In talking about it, I didn't go into detail about the (mis)perception of safety issues here in the Norwegian capital.

Look at the chart above.  

Oslo is approximately at 1.77 murders per one hundred thousand people, leaving it in the middle of the pack.  This might seem troubling (and no doubt the sensationalist, Norwegian media presents it as such), but, in actuality, it's not that bad.  

First, let's compare that number to American cities (I know, I know... bare with me).  Looking at population alone, Oslo is most comparable to Tucson (9.9 homicides per one hundred thousand).  A look at only demographics makes Colorado Springs (6.1) the match.  While a comparison of both gives us Seattle (3.2) still nearly double the homicide rate in Oslo.

Secondly, when compared to the seventeen, other European cities on this chart, it's important to note that of the cities with lower murder rates, seven of them have less than 120,000 people.  Which makes them more like suburbs than major cities, even if they hold such a place in their respective countries.  Furthermore, eight of the other cities remaining have almost double the population of Oslo, which means that for their murder rates to be similar, they have almost twice the number of total homicides.  In a city of roughly 500,000 (like Oslo), 1.77 means roughly 9 murders a year.  In a city of one million, that would equal 18. 

That's right, Oslo got boats... no word on if the Norwegian Jimmy McNulty was ever assigned to it

Murder isn't the only crime happening and while crime, as a whole, has been on the rise, it is important to denote which crime.  According to the link, environmental crime, drugs, and violence are the categories which saw an increase over the past few years.  Not to trivialize the damage of pollution, because environmental crime can mean a lot of things.  To me, Oslo has a distinct lack of trash cans in public and those that are sat out are much too small unless trash is picked up more frequently.  

Anyway, my point wasn't to offer a symposium on crime in Oslo, but to address the ways in which it has affected me.  

At least once every other time I find myself out at a bar and my Americanness becomes common knowledge, some Norwegian will approach me and articulate how "real" he keeps it.  Which, sounds hilarious (and, I assure you, the first few minutes are 99.9% of the time) but is reminiscent to my youth growing up in the suburbs.  Where me and my friends would run around with red bandanas and talk about being thugs.  The difference being that these guys who approach me have ink (shout out to homemade tattoos!  But, no matter how many daggers, "Haugestua" doesn't sound hard) and are at an age when they should realize that claiming such a status has repercussions (it's like people watch the first 3/4s of "Scarface" and then fast forward through the end).  

However, its not like you can't go to American town X or Belgian town Y and not find the same thing.  

As such that there are countless citizens of Oslo perpetuating this "thug life" (which, is only present in very select few.  I don't want you to think that waves of Vanilla Ices are surrounding me when I go out... Also, as it should be noted and will be explained in a future post, all of these guys are both ethnic Norwegian and from East Oslo), there are also countless people believing the hype.  There have been countless people who recoiled in horror when I informed them that I hung out or walked through a certain neighborhood at night.  It is so easy for people to take isolated incidents (it's so American Pie to start off about how one time your friend had something happen to them...) and make them the norm.  That's not to say there aren't dangerous people and situations that can occur in this city (trust, I always keep my head on a swivel), but it tends to not happen to people not associated with the life.

With the exception of the startling number of female assaults that happen here.  That's insane and deplorable and really needs to stop (Sorry, I can't find an English version that doesn't say "Don't let the brown people in!!  They are rapists!!" but, in general, the number is, statistically, almost double the expected number for a city of this population).

OTHER WEEKLY HIGHLIGHTS:

- I am straight in love with the fact that it's been 10 Celsius (50 Fahrenheit) for the past ten days straight... As Mr. Bell will eloquently remind you, no one cares about 40 degree days

- I also am a huge fan of all the state holidays here in Norway.  I told you about Adult Spring Break, but now there's Labor Day (May 1) and next week Ascension Day (May 9).  Civic Pride (no Honda!)

ALT FOR NORGE

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Buy my non-Norway based book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/This-New-Normal-ebook/dp/B008M0GPW2

The return of plus degrees

In America, there are countless signs that Spring is approaching.  Baseball season starts, college kids violating State of Florida ordinances while at Spring Break, warmer temperatures, etc.

Alas, only one of those are present here in Norway (well, two... but one is well-known).

That's right, it's getting warmer.

For those of you that are too cool for metric (Hey, America... what up?), the idea of "plus degrees" (you know, above zero) may seem like its radically cold here.  However, all it means is that the weather is consistently above 32 Fahrenheit (yeah, Norway isn't a windbreaker-in-March place).

Which means the snow is melting giving us a view of all that dead grass and a smell of all the rotting leaves (leaf removal is not a priority).

BUT, as last year has taught me, after that is washed away by the rain (April showers bring May showers), things start perking up.

(Here's how you know you live in a cold place, when you Google for spring pictures, the overwhelming majority have snow in them)

Just seeing this picture, and waking up to the third straight day above 0 (2, if you're scoring at home) makes me ready to go grilling in the park.  Which is a national pastime here.  As soon as the first patches of brown-green turf emerge from the receding ice and decomposed leaves, Norwegians will throw a blanket on it and fire up the grill.  Don't let it get in the teens...

That's when the party starts... while it doesn't quite get as turned up as it does in the States

The party can jump off...

Well, maybe it does get a little crazier here.

Alt for Norge

Like me on Facebook: facebook.com/OSLOST

Follow me on Twitter: @BoomerOSLO

Buy my non-Norway based book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/This-New-Normal-ebook/dp/B008M0GPW2

tilbakken

So yeah... you're probably like "wait... didn't there use to be awesome blog entries on this page like twice a month?" (well, a boy can dream...).  You're right.  I took a break.  Like from Norway.  I was in exile in America (details aren't really all that interesting or uncommon), but now I'm back.

Were they happy to see me?

You could say so...

In any case, I thought I'd shape my first return entry with what I did in America.  However, I figured that would be antithetical of what this blog should be about (really, it wasn't that much fun), I started writing this to detail about how I found the moods of Norway.  So, I returned earlier this week and, like the two times before, I immediately became sick.

Not like, sick sick, but sick enough that my stomach felt like Prince Harry was throwing a party inside it.  Before, I had chalked it up to excitement (my first time!!) or stopping over in Iceland, but this time there was no direct cause (of course I was excited, stay with me here).  I decided to start looking in to a red thread... a similarity between each of the trips.  Finally, after ruling out the insane (global conspiracy to force me to stay in America where I will become a manchurian candidate and bring about world war 3) and the plausible (air pollution withdrawal), I figured it either came down to my girlfriend making me sick (I'm allergic to adorableness!) or the one thing I'd had each time. Water.  That's right, in an ironic twist, the most essential thing I needed was making me sick.

A short search confirmed my fears.  Over 22 percent of the water pipes were made between 1941 and 1970s?!?  Imagine how far technology has come sense then!  Would you trust your life to a car made between 1941 and 1970s everyday on your commute to and from work?  This is awful!!  I'm going to need a Brita and to boil the water I bathe myself in.  Or maybe a britta filter to tape to the shower head.

What's this?  A detailed study and it says that the "22% water pipe" thing refers to an estimate done in 2010, and, of those pipes, the majority are secondary piping in rural regions and, subsequently, there have been over 10,000 projects a year to fix the problem.

Oh.

Maybe I am allergic to adorableness after all.

Alt for Norge

Quirky Bands and Fresh Air

The above is a promotion for a homegrown band here in Oslo.  Yes, their name really is "Turbonegro", and yes, when I first became aware of them I was slightly offended and confused (more confused, namely because that awareness came in the way of a block long ad, in all black, that just read "TURBONEGRO!" which lead to a frantic google search when I got home).  However, after doing more research (their music isn't bad for punk-death metal... which isn't nearly as backhanded as I meant it to be.  "All my Friends are Dead" is probably my favorite track).  They seem to be seemingly self-aware and not very racist (though, I mean, I didn't actually call any of them and most PR material is shaped to be accessible... I like giving the benefit of the doubt), and I respect them for sticking to their guns and not changing their name even though it would've (probably) led to more distribution in... well, everywhere that isn't the latin world (Luis Suarez is reading this and nodding glumly... sorry, that's my English Premier League joke for this entry).

Anyway, Turbonegro is the perfect embodiment of the, seemingly prevalent here, unintentionally funny comedy (Fine, I will give you an example,  "Founding member Thomas Seltzer once said, "A turbonegro is a large, well-equipped, armed black male in a fast car, out for vengeance. We are his prophets."")

The above is a common occurrence here in Oslo throughout the winter... Yes, people will leave their UNATTENDED strollers (barnevogn, for my my Norsk speaking friends) outside of houses/restaurants/IKEAs/Hos Bakeri/etc.  If you think that's crazy, its not uncommon for these UNATTENDED monstrosities on wheels (seriously, they're much larger than their American counterparts)  to be left WITH THE BABY STILL INSIDE!!  Now, to get an idea of just how cold winters in Oslo can get, a mother here told me that she doesn't leave her baby out once the temperature hits -5 Celsius [23 Farenheit], because that's too cold!  


Why do they do this?  


Well, this city is very trusting and crime isn't really that big of a deal (mainly because of the generous social services and microscopic unemployment rate... I was walking down the street today and two shop employees were standing befuddled in the street and were discussing a man who had just ran out of their shop with hundreds of dollars in unpaid merchandise.  Bystanders were pointing in which direction the guy went, but, when they found out the guy was "running", the employees decided it wasn't worth pursuit.  Yes, I'm serious) and Norwegians believe the fresh air is good for the child's lungs/breathing (the air quality is a touch better than most of the US).


But still... 


oh, today was the warmest day since I've been here, a balmy +3 degrees celsius (that's 42 Farenheit if you're scoring at home).  Norwegians decided to celebrate by taking up outdoor seating at all the cafes around town... Spring is on the way!


Rap lyric I'd incorporate into a song if I were a rapper:
Tryin' me a bad idea, indeed/Like callin' a Norwegian a Swede