Return of the Bieber and a Champion

Norway is a confusing place.

Statue from Vingeland Park

For as many similarities as there are to the states, there are that many differences.

But, when it comes to teen heartthrobs, there is no culture gap.  Which is a shame because Norway has produced such great pop music... ABBA, Miike Snow,  Ace of Base, First Aid Kit (wait... those are all Swedish?!?!  Oh.  Well, there's always A-HA).

Above is the scene from last year when Bieber blessed Oslo with his bangs.  As I informed you all, dear readers, it was a catastrophe.  The mayor hid in a retail store to avoid being trampled by hordes of Norwegian tweens chasing their idol.  Traffic was disrupted for hours.  Police were outnumbered and overrun (I swear, I think there was an hour or two of martial law declared).  It was pure chaos.

So how could the Biebs possibly top that?

He threw three, back-to-back-to-back concerts that created such a demand that they not only sold out in minutes, but causes school districts to re-arrange their testing dates.  Caught off-guard and slightly embarrassed, Oslo's finest vowed to take their revenge (ok... they didn't come off as menacing, but it was the general sentiment).

How did it go?

Well, it was interesting...

Things started off in favor of the Bieberization when his bodyguard instagrammed a picture of himself getting a haircut which lead to a lot of "likes", "favorites", and "retweets".  Additionally, the impromptu photo session lead to said barbershop being swamped with the pre-pubescent.   No word on whether the establishment has been able to air out the smell of Chanel Jr. and Lil' Dior Miss.  (On a sidenote, please check out the Team Swaggy bodyguard's twitter... https://twitter.com/KennyHamilton talk about taking yourself too seriously).

Anyway, things only got more hectic from there.  A day before the shows were to start, a poor, background dancer (a deacon in the Church of Bieber, but a celebrity to Bielibers), was accosted while going for a drink at a local convenience store.  At this point, with the concert about to kick-off, the men and women in light bluish-grey decided to step up their game.

Over 66,000 descended upon the 20,000ish capacity stadium.  The cops were ready, the ticket takers were sorta ready, Team Swaggy was ready.  And so it went...

Did the police crack down or did they catch Beauty and a beat?  I'd call it a draw.

While there were no elected officials whose safety and health were threatened by hormonal adolescents drawn to their obsession, there were numerous injuries and mild catastrophe reported.  Though, the official spokesman for the Kommune Koppers issued a statement that sounded more like they had withstood an invading army.

Which, is fair, seeing how, in the end, the chaos left one, poor Bieberian in a coma.

28-0, 6 KOs

So yeah... Bieber in Norway is no joke.

In other news, I would like to give a special kudos to Norwegian boxer, Cecilia Brækhus.  She beat Mia St. John, the former Super Welterweight champion, over the weekend by TKO.  With the victory, Brækhus retained her WBA, WBO, WPBF, and WBC welterweight titles.  At 28-0, she is one of the best, pound-for-pound fighters in the world.  A fact made even more remarkable due to the fact that Norway is one of a handful of countries with a ban on Professional Boxing.

She is also an accomplished kickboxer and has been dabbling in muay thai and may take her talents to the UFC.  Would definitely be a step up in competition (which, she hasn't gotten much of in her rampage through the boxing world) and probably an improvement in pay (the fights preceding hers were a bunch of slow, has beens/never was/never will be's slapping at each other for four rounds).  It will be interesting to see how that goes as professional mixed martial arts is also illegal here (though, there's an organization with a snazzy Facebook page working on fixing that).

Here is usually where I would write "Alt for Norge", but, in light of the violence and attempted harm going on back in America (it feels weird to watch from abroad... it's almost like its happening on another planet), I decided to switch up the message...

"We must all learn to live together as brothers or die together as fools" - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Alt for fred... Peace for all

The Norway Question and Nights Out

So what do you think of Norway?

I get this question all the time.  It feels like a trap.  Like the person asking it is waiting for me to slip up and say something dismissive/stereotypically American/condescending so they can pounce on me.  This feeling is self-imposed.  Generally (there's exception to every rule), the person asking is genuinely interested in how an outsider perceives their country.

Still, it's a strange question.

In the states, one rarely ever deigns to ask that question to a visitor because, mostly, its assumed our country is awesome and you'd be foolish to think otherwise.  Norwegians, more often than not, feel the exact same with regards to their own country (and, really, who doesn't hold some biased fondness for their homeland?  Patriotism isn't always synonymous with nationalism nor does it always beget jingoism), but have a learned/cultured veneer of humility.

Which illustrates the most basic difference between America and Norway.  We say what you're all thinking.

Though, seriously, I don't know how to answer the question.  It's a first world country that besides being noticeably colder and speaking a different language, isn't a radical change (there are many, many, many more differences but, largely speaking, those are cosmetic).  There are good things and there are bad things, but it's not some, wholly grand paradigm distortion/destruction.  I dunno.  It's cool, I just wish there were better late night food options (this and this are not in the same league as this and this) 

Anyway, moving on...

This past week, I had the fortune/opportunity to go out on two, separate occasions.  One was a birthday party and the other, a Champions League game (Even in defeat, that Zlatan Ibrhamovic is sick!).  Those two, completely different events left me with two, distinct thoughts.

1) A party happens in different ways, but usually brings about the same result.  In my experience, the pattern of interactions amongst Norwegians are inverse from those of Americans.  Here, everyone is usually in small groups at the onset of the evening (as opposed to loosely mingling and making small talk with everyone in the room) and, as the night progresses and more alcohol is consumed, the members branch out and exchange with other people (as opposed to dwindling down the social set to the people, with whom, you actually care to talk).  Though, in the end, everyone drinks their share and dances (I will say that the added element of trying to dance with people who you loosely know while trying to talk to them more provides excellent "people watching" material).  Of course, the goal is to find a select few people to invite back/tag along with to a nachspiel.  The point of a nachspiel is to break out your Tevin Campbell.

2) Watching TV/Sports in bars is not a concern.  The majority of bars/pubs in the good, ol' USA have numerous TV sets that are viewable from every place and can be fine tuned to a bevy of channels.  In Norway, there is a sparse collection of bars that offer viewing options and those are quite limited in scope (though, there is about 1/100th the options of sports on television).  It took four bars to find one that offered the Champions League game (mind you, one game "Bayern vs. Juventus" was on standard cable while the "PSG vs. Barcelona" was on the premium, pay-per-view channel).  The lack of diversion means that people have to actually talk to each other.  As you would imagine, this leads to people asking and answering questions.  I will give you one guess which question I get asked the most...

On that note, if you have any questions you'd like answered about my time here in Norway, please leave it on the Facebook page!

ALT FOR NORGE

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The return of plus degrees

In America, there are countless signs that Spring is approaching.  Baseball season starts, college kids violating State of Florida ordinances while at Spring Break, warmer temperatures, etc.

Alas, only one of those are present here in Norway (well, two... but one is well-known).

That's right, it's getting warmer.

For those of you that are too cool for metric (Hey, America... what up?), the idea of "plus degrees" (you know, above zero) may seem like its radically cold here.  However, all it means is that the weather is consistently above 32 Fahrenheit (yeah, Norway isn't a windbreaker-in-March place).

Which means the snow is melting giving us a view of all that dead grass and a smell of all the rotting leaves (leaf removal is not a priority).

BUT, as last year has taught me, after that is washed away by the rain (April showers bring May showers), things start perking up.

(Here's how you know you live in a cold place, when you Google for spring pictures, the overwhelming majority have snow in them)

Just seeing this picture, and waking up to the third straight day above 0 (2, if you're scoring at home) makes me ready to go grilling in the park.  Which is a national pastime here.  As soon as the first patches of brown-green turf emerge from the receding ice and decomposed leaves, Norwegians will throw a blanket on it and fire up the grill.  Don't let it get in the teens...

That's when the party starts... while it doesn't quite get as turned up as it does in the States

The party can jump off...

Well, maybe it does get a little crazier here.

Alt for Norge

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Where did everyone go?

Life is full of small ironies.

Case and point, Norway is a Christian nation, but religion is not something that really is important to many of Norwegians.  Which is in contrast to America, which has no state-religion, but cares about christianity a lot.

However, each country treats the seminal holiday of Christianity quite differently.

From yesterday early evening until Monday, everything is shut down.  Not just government buildings, but everything (note the list only has like a dozen things open... keep in mind this is a city of nearly 800000 people).  Here is what Youngstorget, a random, downtown street normally looks like:

And here's what it looks like now:

Conversely, in America, I remember working many Good Fridays and Easter Mondays.

I guess that's the difference between a "state religion" and "religion of the people of the state".

Anyway, while here in the deserted city, we're celebrating with food (slow-braised lamb ribs! and homemade bread), drink (you think your boy didn't note the hours of operation?), and long walks through historic streets.

That'll do quite nicely.

Have a great holiday weekend.

Alt for Norge

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Ritz Crackers... 'cause it's cold, son!

I wonder if my home owner's insurance covers against snow damage...

It snows in Norway.  A lot.

But I didn't write this entry to waste your time with information you already knew.

It's just... you don't realize how much "a lot" is until you're staring out a window on Saint Patrick's Day and there's 10 inches of the white stuff (fresh from a weekend onslaught) wishing you a "top o' the morning!"

But it's not just the snow, its cold, too.  How cold is it?  I've rarely worn a hat and gloves during the winter time for most of my life (I have a mother worn thin from 20+ winters of worry who can attest to this fact), but I almost refuse to step outside here unless my hat and gloves are on (in fact, I have several back-ups just in case I'm in a rush and can't find the primary).

As I'm writing this, its snowing!  To be clear, I'm not complaining, but "it takes some getting use to" is a vast understatement.

So.  What does that do to one's psyche?

It can cause depression (Which isn't just for us foreigners, its the reason why Norwegians take fish oil... Vitamin D is the cure!).

Though, more likely, it can cause what I call "want reallocation".  For example, the other day, I really wanted some mango sorbet (odd, right?).  Instead of venturing the eight blocks to the store that may have it (I'd say 50-50 shot), I went the block and a half to the store that really had no shot of having it and settled for Ritz crackers and Strawberry jam.

That's just what happens when cold is factored in the equation.  

Another example: We live within a three block radius of four, awful pizza places (I can't underscore how dreadful pizza can be here here) and about a twenty minute bus ride from an outstanding pizza place.  I will give you zero guesses on how many times we've gone to the good place since winter has taken hold because the answer is zero.

Norwegians will scoff at you and tell you its not cold, but they're lying.  They wear big coats and complain about the weather (I'm pretty sure "weather" is the #1 casual conversation topic).  I actually base my clothing decisions on how Norwegians dress.  Before going out, I'll watch people walking outside from the window.  If people have jackets unzipped, I just wear a hat and coat;  If they have jackets zipped and scarves, I wear hat and gloves; If I see women wearing hats and men walking briskly, I stay inside (because women NEVER wear hats here and no one EVER, EVER walks briskly... if I see that it must mean some "Day After Tomorrow"-ness is going down.  That's how people get bronchitis... No thank you).

Unfortunately, I don't have a choice as I'm now all out of Ritz crackers.

ALT FOR NORGE

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Culture/Human Experience (aka the blog post where I wear a Bunad)

I created a mini-stir with a status message I put up on Facebook the other day(by "mini-stir" I mean I induced a few people to "like" it).  In said post, I lamented that the worst type of ex-pats (and/or people, depending on your view) are those that use their life experiences to look down on others.

To clarify, I'm not saying people who choose to leave their country for any reason, regardless of whether its logical (love, work, cost of alcohol, etc.) or "not" (I feel stupid even adding the "not" because, if it makes sense to you, then do it... who cares about the social norm?), aren't extraordinary people (they should even write blogs!).  What I meant is that there is no life choice that gives anyone the right to look down on anyone else (well, perhaps organ donation... if you give me your kidney, you have the right to harp if I'm doing a keg stand).

Why bring this up?

A re-occuring sentiment I have noticed amongst other Americans here in Norway (and other parts of Europe) is one of disassociation.  

Not only a rejection of America as a place to live, but as a culture (I can't believe you call it soccer!  Personally, I don't know why anyone would be interested in American Football...), as an idea (Oh my God, you're following the U.S. Presidential Elections?), or as an identity (Look, I really insist that we stop speaking English and only speak <insert language here>).  In addition, this extreme aversion causes the person to view their approach as superior to anyone living differently (whether that means less assimilated ex-pats or those still living back in the USA).

Different paths work for different people...

I understand the need for immersion (even if I don't practice it the best) and agree that is the best way to learn/understand/ingratiate oneself into a different culture.  Its respectful to try and create as small of a cultural footprint as a foreigner in a new country (religious zealots, I'm looking in your direction).  However, that sense of embracing the new, native land does not, and should not, come at the expense of your old identity.

In an attempt to find the balance, I wanted to wear a bunad.

Much in how I wanted to try whale, pinnekjott, and reindeer (I had Reindeer pizza again on Tuesday... delicious!), I felt that the bunad was an important part of the culture that I wanted to experience.  If I'm going to have half-Norwegian children someday (maybe), I want to be able to at least be semi-knowledgable in case they have questions and mom isn't around.  

However, these experiences are for me, too.  

Norway is an amazing place, rich in tradition and heritage that is alien to my own life (no Bjorns or Anders in my family lineage).  The variation in foods, dialect, and customs between regions separated by a few miles (albeit, those miles may be a Fjord or mountain) can be vast.  I can't possibly sum the amount or respect and awe I have for landet.  So much that I almost didn't post this picture!

Seriously, though, I know that if I am to be successful in all aspects of life here, I have to do my part to learn as much as I can about the customs and people as I can.  Norge doesn't have to meet me halfway, I must cross the distance as much as possible.  It is the burden/journey/duty of being an ex-pat.  However, the other part of the pact is to not forget from where one came.  The saying shouldn't be "When in Rome, do as the Romans" it should be "When in Rome, become as Roman as possible.  However, don't forget home because, in the end, you will never, truly, be Roman."

Alt for Norge

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Friends amongst Killers

Hello, Oslo!!  It has been so long... But your boy is back.  It feels so good to be back!  Well, maybe not that good... but yeah, it was too long.

So... what have I missed?

So... nothing?

Good to know some things never change.

Well, for me, I returned with a beard... but better.  Good, because the Norwegian winter was acting all emo and keeping it cold here.  

Also, I made it back in time to go see The Killers at Telenor Arena!  

That's right... Space Age Norwegian Architecture.  Terror Dome in the back, Innocuous Store-front facade out front

The best, and worst, thing about Telenor Arena is that it's in the outskirts of Oslo in the Fornebu neighborhood.  The party doesn't have to worry about annoying the neighbors because there aren't any, but it also means there's only two ways to get there... a 20-30 minute bus or car ride from downtown Oslo (I guess helicopter would be the other one... where's the mambacopter when you need it?!?!?).

I pause here and have to thank Ruter for scrambling extra busses to ensure the to and from trips were only hellish (as opposed to the apocalypse that would've resulted if Daniel Snyder had been given the chance to host the evening).  So yeah... appreciate it.  The girl who used me as a human shield to avoid a creeper, unappreciated it.

Back to the concert.  Telenor was, originally, constructed to host soccer football games (while its indoor, the field is a full-size soccer game... yes, this is what happens when your country is covered in snow nine months out of the year) and so, there was a large mass of people gathered on the ground level in front of the stage.  Fortunately, I was in the seats that ringed the field and stage.

(Here's where I'd include one of the dozen or so photos that were taken, but the two ladies I was with haven't sent me the pictures yet)

There was a guy in a seat two rows in front of us with his laptop live blogging because he's more about this life than I am.

The show started with all the lights on and little fanfare... I think every band has a song that they don't really enjoy playing anymore, but they have to because it's a staple of their discography (I caught this vibe with "We are Young" at the Fun. show).  I bring this up because, again, all the lights were on and there was no warning, The Killers launched into "Mr. Brightside"... like, a really fast version of it.

Most of the crowd was in a "wait... what?" mode.

Things returned to normal speed after that and the show was decent.  The problems you might imagine were there (A place built for soccer football doesn't have the best acoustics), but I was still dancing and singing along for most of the show (yeah, there's like two albums of there's I'm going to pretend were never released... I'll let you guess which ones).  I nearly lost my voice screaming along to "All these things that I have done".  Good times.

Otherwise, it's back to the program, writing this blog, and living the dream in Norway

Alt for Norge

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