Sorry for not writing more lately, I've been caught up in the summer.
Where to begin?
Well, for starters, I passed on a trip down the coast to watch boats and eat ice cream so I could write this. It wasn't a popular decision, but I had to catch you up on everything.
There was camping in the Oslo fjord. It was great! If you were on Facebook, you could see my photo albums, but I'll include some here.
The fishing didn't go so well. It took me about three, different outings to figure out how to catch actual fish and not just seaweed.
But the swimming has been fun. It started with the water being really cold! Like 15 Celsius (59 Fahrenheit), but, in the last few weeks, its been up to 21 (69 Fahrenheit). Which is pretty cool. Not so cool is that most of the beaches are rocky and don't have the easiest exit strategies.
Of course, there have been a few nights out.
But, uhmm, there was also a field trip to the old harbor town of Skudeneshavn.
The crown jewel of this old town is the old, foghorn factory which is now a store... which doesn't sell foghorns.
So what do you think of Norway?
I get this question all the time. It feels like a trap. Like the person asking it is waiting for me to slip up and say something dismissive/stereotypically American/condescending so they can pounce on me. This feeling is self-imposed. Generally (there's exception to every rule), the person asking is genuinely interested in how an outsider perceives their country.
Still, it's a strange question.
In the states, one rarely ever deigns to ask that question to a visitor because, mostly, its assumed our country is awesome and you'd be foolish to think otherwise. Norwegians, more often than not, feel the exact same with regards to their own country (and, really, who doesn't hold some biased fondness for their homeland? Patriotism isn't always synonymous with nationalism nor does it always beget jingoism), but have a learned/cultured veneer of humility.
Which illustrates the most basic difference between America and Norway. We say what you're all thinking.
Though, seriously, I don't know how to answer the question. It's a first world country that besides being noticeably colder and speaking a different language, isn't a radical change (there are many, many, many more differences but, largely speaking, those are cosmetic). There are good things and there are bad things, but it's not some, wholly grand paradigm distortion/destruction. I dunno. It's cool, I just wish there were better late night food options (this and this are not in the same league as this and this)
Anyway, moving on...
This past week, I had the fortune/opportunity to go out on two, separate occasions. One was a birthday party and the other, a Champions League game (Even in defeat, that Zlatan Ibrhamovic is sick!). Those two, completely different events left me with two, distinct thoughts.
1) A party happens in different ways, but usually brings about the same result. In my experience, the pattern of interactions amongst Norwegians are inverse from those of Americans. Here, everyone is usually in small groups at the onset of the evening (as opposed to loosely mingling and making small talk with everyone in the room) and, as the night progresses and more alcohol is consumed, the members branch out and exchange with other people (as opposed to dwindling down the social set to the people, with whom, you actually care to talk). Though, in the end, everyone drinks their share and dances (I will say that the added element of trying to dance with people who you loosely know while trying to talk to them more provides excellent "people watching" material). Of course, the goal is to find a select few people to invite back/tag along with to a nachspiel. The point of a nachspiel is to break out your Tevin Campbell.
2) Watching TV/Sports in bars is not a concern. The majority of bars/pubs in the good, ol' USA have numerous TV sets that are viewable from every place and can be fine tuned to a bevy of channels. In Norway, there is a sparse collection of bars that offer viewing options and those are quite limited in scope (though, there is about 1/100th the options of sports on television). It took four bars to find one that offered the Champions League game (mind you, one game "Bayern vs. Juventus" was on standard cable while the "PSG vs. Barcelona" was on the premium, pay-per-view channel). The lack of diversion means that people have to actually talk to each other. As you would imagine, this leads to people asking and answering questions. I will give you one guess which question I get asked the most...
On that note, if you have any questions you'd like answered about my time here in Norway, please leave it on the Facebook page!
But I didn't write this entry to waste your time with information you already knew.
It's just... you don't realize how much "a lot" is until you're staring out a window on Saint Patrick's Day and there's 10 inches of the white stuff (fresh from a weekend onslaught) wishing you a "top o' the morning!"
But it's not just the snow, its cold, too. How cold is it? I've rarely worn a hat and gloves during the winter time for most of my life (I have a mother worn thin from 20+ winters of worry who can attest to this fact), but I almost refuse to step outside here unless my hat and gloves are on (in fact, I have several back-ups just in case I'm in a rush and can't find the primary).
As I'm writing this, its snowing! To be clear, I'm not complaining, but "it takes some getting use to" is a vast understatement.
Though, more likely, it can cause what I call "want reallocation". For example, the other day, I really wanted some mango sorbet (odd, right?). Instead of venturing the eight blocks to the store that may have it (I'd say 50-50 shot), I went the block and a half to the store that really had no shot of having it and settled for Ritz crackers and Strawberry jam.
That's just what happens when cold is factored in the equation.
Another example: We live within a three block radius of four, awful pizza places (I can't underscore how dreadful pizza can be here here) and about a twenty minute bus ride from an outstanding pizza place. I will give you zero guesses on how many times we've gone to the good place since winter has taken hold because the answer is zero.
Norwegians will scoff at you and tell you its not cold, but they're lying. They wear big coats and complain about the weather (I'm pretty sure "weather" is the #1 casual conversation topic). I actually base my clothing decisions on how Norwegians dress. Before going out, I'll watch people walking outside from the window. If people have jackets unzipped, I just wear a hat and coat; If they have jackets zipped and scarves, I wear hat and gloves; If I see women wearing hats and men walking briskly, I stay inside (because women NEVER wear hats here and no one EVER, EVER walks briskly... if I see that it must mean some "Day After Tomorrow"-ness is going down. That's how people get bronchitis... No thank you).
Unfortunately, I don't have a choice as I'm now all out of Ritz crackers.
ALT FOR NORGE
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So yeah... you're probably like "wait... didn't there use to be awesome blog entries on this page like twice a month?" (well, a boy can dream...). You're right. I took a break. Like from Norway. I was in exile in America (details aren't really all that interesting or uncommon), but now I'm back.
Were they happy to see me?
You could say so...
In any case, I thought I'd shape my first return entry with what I did in America. However, I figured that would be antithetical of what this blog should be about (really, it wasn't that much fun), I started writing this to detail about how I found the moods of Norway. So, I returned earlier this week and, like the two times before, I immediately became sick.
Not like, sick sick, but sick enough that my stomach felt like Prince Harry was throwing a party inside it. Before, I had chalked it up to excitement (my first time!!) or stopping over in Iceland, but this time there was no direct cause (of course I was excited, stay with me here). I decided to start looking in to a red thread... a similarity between each of the trips. Finally, after ruling out the insane (global conspiracy to force me to stay in America where I will become a manchurian candidate and bring about world war 3) and the plausible (air pollution withdrawal), I figured it either came down to my girlfriend making me sick (I'm allergic to adorableness!) or the one thing I'd had each time. Water. That's right, in an ironic twist, the most essential thing I needed was making me sick.
A short search confirmed my fears. Over 22 percent of the water pipes were made between 1941 and 1970s?!? Imagine how far technology has come sense then! Would you trust your life to a car made between 1941 and 1970s everyday on your commute to and from work? This is awful!! I'm going to need a Brita and to boil the water I bathe myself in. Or maybe a britta filter to tape to the shower head.
What's this? A detailed study and it says that the "22% water pipe" thing refers to an estimate done in 2010, and, of those pipes, the majority are secondary piping in rural regions and, subsequently, there have been over 10,000 projects a year to fix the problem.
Thank you, bushes for ignoring the "spring is cancelled this year" memo
As I haven't seen the sun in about a week (give or take, its hard to keep track of the days here as the sky is like a perpetual gray and its cold. So, yes, Oslo does resemble "The Road" slightly), OSLOst in space may seem a little gloomy this week.
I knew I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up with the 20+ degree weather of March, but, seriously, its almost May (On a side note: Labor Day here (May Day) is supposed to be cray... we shall see), stop playin', Oslo. Make with the Spring.
As always, it could be worse.
Last year, it snowed the first week of May.
While that isn't likely (though, This is Norway!, anything poor weather related is possible), the situation isn't completely ruined. First, there are a serious of pretty, yellow bushes that are springing up virtually all over the city. Which, is awesome... It at least looks spring-like. Additionally, there are these funky, little birds that keep popping up everywhere. They seem like they're ready to get down with the chirping and looking all tough. While they're no Blue Jay or Oriole, they're definitely way better looking than crows (we don't need a picture of a crow... just think of an ugly bird). Yes, I just wasted 80 minutes of my life trying to figure out the bird's name. It's a European Magpie. Not necessarily the most glamorous of names (but, it does explain why Newcastle is called the magpies... I thought that was just British slang for cake eater. Yes, I spent another 20 minutes looking up "Mighty Ducks" related stories. Don't judge).
I don't eat cake! The Knucklepuck was overrated and the most improbable thing outside of Kennan Thompson passing as an athlete... jus' sayin'
Anyway, the European Magpie, in addition to being a rather common bird, is one of the most intelligent animals. It's intellect rivals chimpanzees and Boston sports team fans... So, it's reappearance here totally suggests that Spring must be coming soon. This fowl ain't no fool... it wouldn't stray this far north unless it had figured out that Spring was coming and it was time to pick out the best nesting/pimp pad spots.
Our little hope seizes upon little things...
Another positive is that the sun is staying up later... Well, I assume its staying up later. The sky is staying light gray longer in the day (8:30!) than it had previous to daylight savings (oh, did you know that Europe and North America have different daylight savings dates? Me neither! It seems that there was a fortnight in March where five hours separated the East Coast and Oslo. It is one of the most inexplicable, odd things that I've come across... which is really saying something.)
Though, the uplifting seems to keep coming. Over forty thousand people gathered in the Youngstorget Square to sing the Norwegian version of "We are the World" (The song is called "Children of the Rainbow", click on the title for the lyrics. Then copy and paste in translate.google.com!) as an offering that the nation is more than just the hateful acts and ideas of July 22, 2011.
Despite all of my jokes and irreverence and sheep videos, this truly encapsulates the identity of Norway. So, I will leave that as my last note for this post.
